Recently, I was given a huge case of the mommy guilts. Dealt out shamelessly by my 4 year old. So I bought my way back into the good graces of my sons with date night – my Mommy Redemption!
Any mother will tell you that there are ups and downs in the parenting gig. Sometimes, you’re killing it. Sometimes you’re not.
This particular morning, I was on my way out the door with the kids. It was a relatively normal morning, rushing around to get myself and both boys ready for work and daycare. Walking towards the door, Destruction gave me this quiet, somber face and said, “I miss you, Mom”.
6:30am and I immediately stopped and dropped down in front of him. Mayhem walked right beside his brother and as I looked in the faces of my small children, I had an overwhelming rush of guilt. And I’m not talking about that voice in the back of your head that thinks you’re f**king up. I mean a truly horrible, air being pushed out of your lungs, feeling of “I’m not doing right by my kids”.
Tear in my eyes, I looked at them. I told them I was sorry that they missed me and that I would do better at being a fun mom for them. I just sat and held my kids for what seemed like an incredibly long time. When Destruction didn’t want to let me go, I told him and his brother that when I got home from work that night we were going to go on a date. Just the 3 of us. It was a promise.
By the time I got to the daycare, the kids were ready to play with their friends. Even though I had put myself together, I was far from OK. I held them for an extra moment when I told them good-bye and I walked to my car a little more slowly than normal. I have a 50 minute commute to work and I’m pretty sure I thought of little else but all the ways that I was ruining my kids during the entire drive.
I’m not a bad mother and I know that. But the thought of my beautiful, sweet, innocent boys wanting my time and me not giving them that time broke me. That’s all they wanted – time.
It was supposed to be Shayne that picked them up that night but I left work a little early to be able to pick them up. My boys were so happy to see me. Even though they are only 2 and 4-years-old, they remembered that Mom was taking them on a date. We didn’t even go home. We hit the nearby Carl’s Jr for chicken stars and ranch, their choice. Then I took them to see “Moana” in the theater. True story, I had never taken Mayhem to a movie before so I didn’t know if we would even make it through the whole movie. He sat beside me or on my lap the WHOLE time. Destruction sat on the other side of me, hand in popcorn, laughing and talking the whole way through.
They loved the movie, they loved the popcorn, they loved the dark theater, but especially they loved that I was with them. And I had a great time with them. It was a $25 investment but that paled in comparison to the investment of time I had dedicated to my children.
Now, we all know that our kids just really want us, which equates to our time. That in and of itself isn’t a huge revelation. However, the reality of it hitting you like it did for me has a pretty severe impact. Out of the mouths of babes, amiright?
Our date night was my mommy redemption and it was also my reality check. There are a million things to do in life but really, Mommas, where is our priority?
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